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Dear Future Self: A Mother’s Prayer

Dear Future Self,

Please tell me that we get through this – this messy, sticky, sleep-deprived, ordinary chaos. Tell me that someday, I will drink coffee again for pleasure, not survival. Reassure me that I will go to bed someday at 10 pm and not wake up until my alarm goes off in the morning. Prove to me that my patience during the terrible twos was worth it in the end. And promise me that when I’m not patient – when I’m yelling and drowning in mom guilt, that I haven’t ruined my children.

Tell me that someday, when the girls have mastered independence, that Jeff and I will still be dependent on one another. Help me believe that the guilt I feel for being touched out at the end of the day doesn’t make me a bad wife. Prove to me that the moments of shared exhaustion, furtive glances over pots of coffee, and the mutual pride in their every accomplishment paves the way for enduring unity in our marriage.

Reassure me that after this season, I’ll still have friends, despite the fact that a “fun night” now consists of yoga pants, a glass of wine, my book, and being in bed by 9:30. Despite the fact that more often than not, I cancel plans…not because I don’t want to be social, but because I’m running on fumes and I need to take care of myself. Promise me that in the future, I’m not lonely or friendless because I’ve not had enough space to be the friend, sister, daughter, wife that I should be.

Tell me that someday, I will look back with fondness. That these long, snot-wiping, bum-changing, temper-tantruming days will morph into the “you’re gonna miss this” days. Promise me that when they run into obstacles, failures, and heartbreaks, that my name is still the first name on their lips, that I’m still the one who knows how to comfort them best. Tell me that in the end, I’ll always be needed.

Reassure me that what we’re doing right now is enough. That actually…it’s more than enough. That despite the exhaustion,  when all is said and done, there are far more triumphs than tears. Above all, promise me that I don’t wish the time away. Promise me that I don’t blink too fast. Remind me that whether I like it or not that it won’t be like this for long.

 

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